Dealing with human mortality. When death was so near. Is there really heaven and hell and the eternal life? (Funny enough, Fr Dougal in the conedy seried "Fr Ted" also questioned this in one episode)
I really want to believe. If nothing else, it's because believing in the Mighty Imaginary Friend Above makes life easier to handle. But I want to believe that there is a point in life, that Love will make things better, that He did not die on the cross for nothing.... If not, why we bother working to help others?
I can't bear the alternative. I tried denying God and religion in anger on the face of 250,000 death on one Boxing Day. But years later I realised that turning away from God only made my life empty and meaningless.
As expressed so beautifully in Mary Doria Russel's The Sparrow, "I'd rather think that God does not exist, because the alternative is too painful. I love God too much to hold Him responsible for all these deaths and atrocities. Yet if He is God and He is Almighty, why did He not stop this tragedy? Why did He let so many innocents die?"
I thought I came to accept the non-existence of any answer and take the alternative route of believing that in every disaster we found one or two human kindness that reflect the Father's Love.
But today, I really would love to hear God's answer to a question asked by a young rape survivor (and many other victims of poverty, injustice, exploitation and oppression): what's the point?